unsatisfactory_person | Entries tagged with зелёные олени

I had vague memories about once maaaybe watching a Russian (or at least Eastern European) animated adaptation of O. Henry's "The Last Leaf", though it's just as possible that I imagined it. But maybe I didn't! So today I finally decided to try to find it online. Not any information about its theoretical existence - the cartoon itself. For some reasons it seemed to make more sense.

Well, I... found some cartoon. Definitely not that cartoon. From the very start it didn't even look like my - admittedly vague - memories of that one. I still decided to watch it.

It maybe was made by kids? Or I misunderstood something? My problem with it wasn't its artistic level in any case. If it was animated by actual kids, it was pretty well-made, if by adults, then, at least, interesting. Mixed technique.

( But they just changed the story in the way that didn't leave a positive impression on me. )

( I slept for eleven hours and had four distinct dreams, possibly even five. )

Obviously it's not a proof of anything regarding the person themselves, because I don't know if TPTB even intended any subtext at all, or if subtext just happened. But it is a proof of... something.

( This goes under the cut because kinda spoilers )

Still trying to deal with my recent shipping meltdown, and there seem to be two main factors: "I want them to be happy, so why am I not happy when they're happy?" and "oh no, am I That Slasher?''

First is kinda weirdly related to the all the times when my sadistic impulses ("I enjoy seeing this character Suffer Beautifully") and my protective impulses ("I love this character and absolutely don't want seeing them suffer, beautifully or not, I want them to be happy and safe") get into a fight ("I love this character and don't want them to suffer, but somehow still enjoy seeing them suffer"), except without sadistic impulses. No, trying to write it down like this doesn't seem to help making more sense of it, because I feel that those are somehow related, but not sure how. "I want them to be happy, so why am I not happy when they're happy?" is not about enjoying a fictional person's fictional pain. But it's still about my desires going against said fictional person's best interests, despite claiming that I want what's best for them. So I guess there's that.

The second is easy. And more frustrating. Because never mind that 90% of the time it's about me shipping my favourite female character with another woman (or several) despite her having a nice and supportive boyfriend/husband in canon - the second I acquire a favourite male character and end up shipping him with some dude (or several) despite him having a female love interest - the second it happens, the "oh no, am I That Slasher?" panic ensues. It doesn't matter that plenty of times I like or even love said female love interest - the fear of being That Slasher is still here. Because, well, Horrible Misogynic Slashers are, unfortunately, real, and aren't just straw people invented by Horrible Homophobic Anti-slashers (who are also very real, just as unfortunately), and they get on my nerves, and I would like to not being similar to them. But why am I worrying about being like them if I know I'm not?

(And Horrible Femlashers might also be real and not straw people, but they're usually only brought up when biphobia is involved, and with m/m slashers, when they get accused of being Horrible Misogynic Slashers, it's pretty much almost never about biphobia, it's almost always about allegedly Hating Women*.)

Sure, I'd rather not be yelled at. But the thing is, the person who yells at me is, well, me. It's not, like, fandom disapproval, it's my own disapproval. And that makes no sense.

---
*Kinda makes sense though, because there are still more canon bi female characters than canon bi male characters. Erasing the character's canon bisexuality is a pretty big deal.

I feel like I miss the fandom and the characters more than I miss the show. When the season's over and I'm back, I probably won't even watch the episodes I skipped - I'll just read the recaps. Unless something really, really wonderful happens in those episodes, and, obviously, it should be something that I would consider "really, really wonderful".

("Nobody dies" would be nice, for starters. Or "half of the characters comes out as some flavour of queer and does it in an unambiguous way that straight fanboys won't be able to handwave". Super unlikely, I know. I'd also accept "turns out that Iris has like eighty female friends, whom we finally get to meet, and they aren't here to be anyone's Mandatory Het Love Interests". Or another sadly improbable scenario: "Hartley returns, Linda also returns, both permanently become part of the main cast: Linda isn't here just to fulfill her destiny as Canon Endgame for Wally, but actually has her own storyline that has nothing to do with being a love interest (though somewhere in Season 5 they do get together eventually, but there's a twist: see, Wally and Jesse talked about their relationship and decided that monogamy is overrated, so they're going to Stay Together and See Other People at the same time... which leads to them both dating Linda - yay, polyamory!); Hartley, meahwhile, gets his own onscreen Grand Romance... involving whatever new Wells we're getting the next season".)

("Write a fanfic" - ha, ha, very funny. I can't write fanfics. An outline of one, maybe. Not an actual fanfic.)

( And have opinions, but not about The Reveal )

("But why do you even watch it if you hate it so mu..." - I don't hate it, that's the problem. I don't. My tragically unrequited crush on it still isn't over. I hate parts of it. I hated some parts of That Cooking Show, too. I'm not trufflemores, I don't love things unconditionally (and even she doesn't, she admitted to ignore and handwave what she can get away with ignoring and handwaving). It's still my fandom, it pushes some of my very specific buttons, and I haven't yet met another show that might replace it. It's just too straight for me, it has issues with women, and issues with a lot of stuff, really... yet I don't hate it. But I'm allowed to occasionally complain.)

Sometimes I want stories with no conflict.

Only sometimes. And preferably not in the written format. What I consider boring to read and what I consider enjoyable to watch is frequently one and the same. Fluff and smut, among other stuff. Of course there's some written smut I enjoy and some written fluff I enjoy, but I'd enjoy those stories even more if I could watch them happening. If there were people (or pretty landscapes, or whatever) instead of letters. Maybe an offscreen narrator would enhance the experience.

And so I can't relate to people complaining about "filler episodes", though were those "filler chapters" I'd probably agree.

(And yet - Soap Ballet's gonna have a lot of stuff that hypothetical future readers might regard as a filler. Blah-blah-blah, I contain multitudes.)

And then there's a different kind of a conflict-less story - pure spiteful wish-fulfillment, fuck-the-high-stakes: Character(s) I Don't Like plot(s) against Character(s) I Like, but get(s) caught in own convoluted cobweb without even realising it for a long, long time; meanwhile, Character(s) I Like have no idea they are allegedly in any danger. Sometimes what I want is not "underdogs fighting against the impossible odds and winning" - sometimes what I want is Goliath defeating himself. Underdogs can't afford a break in real life - but they sure can in fiction.

(Bad storytelling, you say? I don't fucking care.)

Basically, when I say I want it "sometimes", what I mean is "right now", I guess.

Tomorrow there'll be a doll spam. Probably. If nothing interferes.

Current Mood: almost apathy
Singing and crying and singing while crying: some weird mix of "Heroes" and "Who's Gonna Ride Your Wild Horses"

Dear Yet Another Favourite Fictional Villain whom I've been refusing to add to my list of interests for quite a while now - I'm finally giving up and adding you.

(I feel weird addressing you as "dear". Were I writing this post in Russian, I'd started with "Respected/esteemed So-and-So!", but in English that's weird.)

I had my reasons for avoiding putting you on the list while I lived on lj. Wasn't very fond of the version of you that's been running around lately (still not very fond of him, tbh), didn't want anyone to think I'm his fan.

I never had this issue with the Doctor's regenerations (remind me to never introduce you to each other... oh, you've probably met anyway), but there's plenty of him and not a lot of you. And there are more than enough people who think that only that version of you really counts. (Also, the Doctors are numbered. If I have problems with, say, Ten - I rant about Ten, not about "the Doctor".)

But then That Thing had happened, and I don't want to talk about it, and... you know, I decided that I don't give a damn, I'm adding you, and I don't even care if someone will mistake me for The Blond Edition's fan.

Not that you actually care, being fictional and all.

Whatever.

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Entries tagged with зелёные олени

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Regarding Bad Future, the only person who (briefly) got to be happy, and said person's fans

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Taking a break from the show you still love but feel like it doesn't love you back: Week Two

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April 2025

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